Heartbreaking Reason Behind Mom’s Different ‘9 Months In, 9 Months Out’

A Toronto mom has shared her heart-wrenching take on the “9 months in, 9 months out” trend.

In an Instagram reel, Danielle Davis (@divinedesigncollectiveinc) shared two clips: one cradling her pregnant belly at nine months and another nine months later, holding an urn containing her son’s ashes.

Unlike the usual “9 months in, 9 months out” milestone reels that are filled with laughter, love and growth, Davis’ was a raw expression of unimaginable loss.

Davis’ decision to share her grief was not an easy one. After losing Lennon, she completed a social media cull of all pregnancy and baby accounts, replacing them with spaces where mothers suffering loss have joined together.

“I unfollowed them in a quiet, grief-fueled rage, replacing them with loss mom accounts because I needed proof that survival was possible,” she said. “This reel was my offering to the unseen, the unheard. The mothers who cradle air instead of flesh.”

During labor, Lennon suffered a silent, concealed placental abruption, Davis told Newsweek. This meant the placenta was detaching from the uterus without obvious symptoms like heavy bleeding. As it separated, Lennon lost oxygen and eventually died.

Losing Lennon, Davis said, was the undoing of her: “A grief so vast it rewrote my soul.” Nearly a year later, every moment is shaped by his absence.

“He should be here, laughing, learning, stumbling through his first steps. But instead, I hold a weight that should have been his warm body but is now a cold, heavy urn. Instead of rocking him to sleep, I rock myself through the unbearable nights.”

Grief fractured every part of Davis’ life. Joy feels foreign, friendships have faded and returning to work is an out-of-body experience, she said.

“My heart isn’t in it because my heart isn’t whole—a part of it died with Lennon,” Davis said.

The loss of her baby has taken a physical toll. Health complications from childbirth linger and fertility struggles bear down on her now as she tries to bring Lennon’s sibling into the world.

“Sounds haunt me. The wail of an ambulance unearths the nightmare. The sterile beeping of machines transports me back to the NICU. The sight of blood makes the floor fall away. Grief didn’t just touch my life. It shattered it and left me to gather the pieces with trembling hands,” said Davis.

The reel, which has been viewed 2.6 million times, broke hearts across the internet.

“I cannot imagine how this feels. Going through postpartum without your baby. I’m so sorry you had to go through this,” one user wrote.

“I honestly wish I had made a video like this at the time. Maybe I still will. Sending you lots of love, this isn’t how this trend is supposed to look,” said another.

Davis and her husband Quinton will celebrate their 4th wedding anniversary in July. When people ask how they’re doing, they often respond with, “doing our best” or “taking one day at a time.”

But despite going through the worst thing that can happen to parents, the couple feel blessed in many ways.

“Lennon’s death has made us realize what’s really important in life: our family, our marriage, being together, and really treasuring every single moment, because you don’t know when it will be the last one,” Davis said.

“Our marriage has definitely gotten stronger. We’ve been through the absolute worst together and really relied on each other, and still do. I don’t think we would have made it through this without each other,” she said.

For Davis, every day is a reminder of what Lennon will never experience—sunlight on his skin, scraped knees and whispered “I love yous” from his mom.

For other mothers who are going through unbearable grief, she urged them not to suppress their feelings for the sake of others’ comfort.

“Grief will refine your circle, stripping away those who cannot bear to witness your pain,” she said. “Feel it all—the rage, the devastation, the longing. Honor every part of it.”