Fury as Family Tells Brother’s Fiancee to Swap ‘Inappropriate’ Wedding Gown

How much can a person respectfully weigh in on a bride’s wedding choices?

This was the central question in a viral post to the Reddit community “Am I The A******?” on June 9. In it, user u/This-Rock-4028 shared that they had approached their future sister-in-law and warned her against wearing a “revealing” wedding dress, as they believed this would prompt strong reactions from their “conservative” family members.

Licensed marriage and family therapist Emily Zeller spoke to Newsweek about the dilemma, which has received 9,400 upvotes since it was posted.

“My brother is getting married soon, and his fiancé chose a very revealing wedding dress,” the original poster (OP) wrote. “It’s low-cut, with a thigh-high slit and a sheer back. I’m all for people wearing what they want, but our family is quite conservative and opinionated, and I know this dress will cause a lot of drama, especially with our grandparents (talking people walking out on the wedding kind of drama).”

The OP explained that they had pulled aside the bride-to-be and “gently suggested” she reconsider her dress choice. “I made sure to clarify that I absolutely respect it’s her choice and her special day but wanted to at least warn her of what could happen,” they wrote.

In response, the OP’s soon-to-be sister-in-law became upset and defensive over her right to wear what she wanted. The OP’s brother was also upset with them for their suggestion.

The event has caused division within the family itself, with some telling the OP they overstepped and others saying the suggestion was well-intended and preventative. The division extends to Reddit itself—but many were in agreement: The OP was in the wrong.

“The time to mention it would have been before she went shopping,” u/HowlPen wrote. “If she already picked out the dress, she’s likely both emotionally and financially quite invested in it. This is not something she can easily change. It does sound a bit controlling to come to her now—after she’s found the dress she loves—and to tell her she made the wrong choice.”

“Realistically, OP should have gone to the ‘conservatives’ and said that the wedding is not about them, and they can get over themselves or not come,” u/Phithe wrote. “Warn the problematic people about consequences, not the person hosting a party.”

Handle It Sooner, Expert Advises

Therapist Emily Zeller told Newsweek that she sees the argument for both sides.

“It really depends on your perspective relating to whether the individual overstepped or was considerate in speaking to the OP’s sister-in-law,” she said. “There is no right or wrong answer and the individual’s intention looked to be one of genuine concern rather than saying it as a way to speak down to the sister-in-law or manipulate her actions.”

Still, Zeller said there are several ways the situation could’ve been approached better. Chiefly, the sooner the better.

“If the woman was in love with the dress and a lot of time had passed, she might have felt attached to it and attacked related to her taste, and felt that others were controlling her and making it about themselves,” she said. “The sooner that this was handled would probably make for a better situation.”

Another alternative would have been for the OP to speak to their brother before his bride-to-be.

“It might not have been the subject, but the messenger and the woman might have felt differently if this was coming from her partner rather than a family member she might not have had a lot of connection with,” she said.

While the reasons why the OP waited so long to say something are unclear, many on and off Reddit agree that earlier intervention would have been ideal. The OP has not posted an update on the situation since the original post.

Newsweek reached out to u/This-Rock-4028 for comment via Reddit.