Fury at ‘Double Standard’ Woman Faces at Her Job After Sending ‘Rude’ Email

A corporate professional says she, “Refuses to be overly polite just because I’m a woman,” after exposing a sexist double standard in her work emails.

The original poster (OP), aka Afraid_Respect_3189, described herself on Reddit this week as a 27-year-old British woman who is established in her career.

The OP was concerned that her usual email tone—characterized by exclamation points and friendliness—was affecting her professional image at the firm where she has worked for six years.

‘Rude and disrespectful’

To adjust, she began mirroring the email style of her male colleagues, removing unnecessary pleasantries and maintaining a straightforward tone.

However, the shift was met with an unexpected backlash.

“While everyone respects their ‘direct tone’ and ‘professional approach’,” she wrote, “I am ‘rude and disrespectful’ for emailing the exact same way.”

In one instance, she copied an email written by a male colleague, making only necessary modifications. Despite this, her manager deemed her message “rude,” the OP said.

“I showed my manager the emails side by side and he was embarrassed for calling me up on it. We’re supposed to be a company that cares about sexism…”

The woman’s experience was felt by many users amid almost 900 comments in the Reddit discussion.

‘Punished for directness’

As one supporter wrote, “I’ve had this happen, when literally I copy/pasted my manager’s old email and just changed/add[ed] the relevant information. It was so we were consistent with communications to other departments across the board.”

Another noted, “Women are punished for directness, men are not.”

A fellow user agreed: “They get raises for it and mansplain how being direct is best. But every time I’ve tried it, I get the same comments, ‘Why are you being so rude now?'”

Several users pointed out how women are often expected to soften their language with phrases like, “Just checking in”, or, “Sorry to bother you,” while men face no such pressure.

“It’s because you’re a woman and are expected to be a perky people pleaser,” a user offered.

‘It’s baffling’

“When I read back through emails before sending, I intentionally edit to cut down on ‘soft’ words because I want to email ‘like a guy.’ Some people mistake a direct question for rudeness and it’s baffling.”

A cohort of users urged the OP to maintain her direct communication style, despite the criticism, arguing that pandering to double standards only reinforces them.

Others, however, warned that resisting these expectations could come at a professional cost, particularly in workplaces that value diplomacy over efficiency.

The Broader Issue of Gendered Communication Standards

According to InPower Coaching, women’s communication is indeed often judged more harshly than men’s, leading to negative perceptions about their professionalism and leadership capabilities.

A study cited by Impact Group found that when women speak forcefully in the workplace, their perceived competency can drop by 35%.

A Whistleblower Security article notes that men are often praised for being assertive and confident, while women are criticized for the same behavior, often labeled as “bossy” or “aggressive.”

This imbalance affects career progression and workplace dynamics, reinforcing outdated gender stereotypes.

Ironic Twist

In a reply in the Reddit thread, the OP noted that literally a day before her conversation with her manager, her company held a meeting on gender diversity and how unconscious bias is affecting women in the workplace.

“Two hours wasted it seems! And thanks for the affirmative response, I was pretty proud of how I stood up for myself.”

Newsweek has contacted Afraid_Respect_3189 for comment via Reddit.

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