Man Sparks Debate by Not Telling Wife About Family’s Wealth: ‘Embarrassed’

A man in hot water with his wife for never explicitly telling her that his cousin was extremely wealthy has divided opinion online.

The man, 31, who did not give his name but who posts to Reddit under the username u/Agitated-Turnip4724, took to the AITAH subreddit on April 5 where he asked if he was in the wrong for “not telling my wife my cousin is insanely wealthy.”

The man wrote in the post that he and his wife have been married for around 18 months; both make very good money in medicine and aviation respectively, but “aren’t even close to what my cousin is.”

His cousin, he wrote, won a huge amount of money in her 20s—enough that she has paid for all of her siblings and the children in the family to be able to go to college, and she regularly sponsors things in their local community.

Despite this, the cousin doesn’t make a big deal of her wealth, and she and her husband both work; he has his own business, and she runs a farm, which the man described as her “pride and joy.”

The man’s wife, meanwhile, is “prideful,” expects the best things in life and takes every opportunity to bring up her salary in conversation. He admitted most of his family “cannot stand” her, but keep the peace as they know he is happy with her.

Jo Hayes, of EtiquetteExpert.org, told Newsweek that it sounds as if his wife is a “snob … based on pride, which is birthed out of a deep insecurity.”

“People who are truly secure, and confident in themselves, don’t act proudly,” Hayes said. “They don’t look down on others believing they are better, because they have more money, or for any other reason.”

Matters came to a head when a relative recently got married at his cousin’s farmhouse—”the first and only time my wife has been to my cousin’s house,” the man said—and seeing the grounds and luxury of their home, his wife realized this cousin had far more money than they did.

“She always thought my cousin just had a little hobby farm and for some reason she thought they were poor,” the man wrote on Reddit.

His wife is now angry at him, saying that he embarrassed her and he “should have told her that my cousin was rich,” but he said he assumed she knew as the cousin is so involved with sponsoring community projects.

“It has become an argument because I pretty much told my wife she embarrassed herself and should stop treating everyone like they are poor,” the man said in the post. “There are several people in our community that make as much or more than we do. She just doesn’t see that and they don’t flaunt it like she does.”

Hayes said she is backing the man in this situation, adding that he “acted in a manner that reflects his good values and good character.” Hayes said it is the wife’s fault if she has “acted in a way that has embarrassed her, by perhaps treating the cousin as
her ‘lesser’, in incorrectly thinking she has less money than herself.”

“This is a good lesson for her in humility,” Hayes added.

However, clinical psychologist Dr. Cynthia Edwards-Hawver took a different approach. She told Newsweek that the man intentionally “watched his wife walk into a situation where he already knew her assumptions were off, and then used her discomfort to shame her.”

“This wasn’t a miscommunication. This was a power move. He positioned himself as the rational, morally superior partner, while casting her as vain or superficial,” Edwards-Hawver said.

The man asked internet users to weigh in on the situation, asking if he is in the wrong for not explicitly telling his wife that his cousin is extremely rich, and for saying that she embarrassed herself.

The internet response was somewhat divided, as many agreed the wife was in the wrong for placing so much stock in the wealth of others, but also taking issue with the man’s wording of “treating everyone like they are poor.”

“She should stop acting like people who are poor are less than people who have money,” one user wrote, as another added: “People are people regardless of how much money they make.”

“You’re not much better because, at the very least, you put up with, accept, and thus condone her behavior and attitude, and I’m guessing you have since day one,” a third commenter posted.

And as one comment read: “You didn’t hide your cousin’s wealth—it’s public knowledge. Your wife’s pride and insecurity are the real issue here. You weren’t wrong for not telling her, and her reaction seems more about her own issues with flaunting wealth.”

Newsweek has contacted u/Agitated-Turnip4724 on Reddit for comment on this story.

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