King Charles’ former butler reveals surprising royal protocol rules

Grant Harrold knows a thing or two about royal protocol.

The etiquette expert was King Charles III’s butler from 2004 to 2011. He recently wrote a memoir, “The Royal Butler: My Remarkable Life in Royal Service,” which details his experience serving the senior royals.

“I think a lot of people assume that when you meet the royal family, you’re supposed to bow or curtsy,” Harrold told Fox News Digital. 

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“You don’t. The monarchy’s website states it isn’t required — it’s entirely a personal choice. The king even had a discussion with me about it. He said, ‘When you bow or curtsy, you’re doing it to the title. You’re not doing it to the person.’”

Harrold noted that when meeting royals for the first time, etiquette calls for letting them lead the way.

Catherine, Princess of Wales, performs a curtsy to King Charles III as they attend Katharine, Duchess of Kent’s requiem mass at Westminster Cathedral on Sept. 16, 2025, in London, England. (Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images)

“When you meet them, you should let them lead the handshake and the conversation,” he explained. “Some people get so nervous, saying, ‘I don’t know what to talk to them about. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.’ I remind people — let them guide it. They don’t ask tricky questions. They keep it lighthearted and easy.”

Grant Harrold’s memoir, “The Royal Butler: My Remarkable Life in Royal Service,” is out now. (Pegasus Books)

Even at lavish state banquets, Harrold said the royals prefer to keep things simple.

“What might surprise people is that when they sit down at these elaborate royal tables, with all the cutlery and glassware, they think that’s the main challenge. What really matters is the conversation,” Harrold said. “The king will talk to the guest on his right during the main course, then switch to the guest on his left for pudding and coffee.”

Princess Diana attends a state reception in Austria, circa 1986. (Georges De Keerle/Getty Images)

“That causes a chain reaction,” Harrold said. “Everyone has someone to talk to. You don’t talk or shout across the table — you only speak to the person next to you. But it starts with the king, and because the table is set with even numbers, everyone is paired. It’s quite a funny old rule.”

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While some royal rules have endured, others have been abandoned.

“You don’t start eating until the king begins, and when he finishes, the plates are taken away,” Harrold said. “These are very old etiquette rules. One rule that no longer exists is walking backwards — you don’t have to do that anymore. Now, when leaving their presence, you can simply turn and walk away.”

Catherine, Princess of Wales, curtsies during the Order of the Garter service at Windsor Castle on June 19, 2023, in Windsor, England. (Pool/Samir Hussein/WireImage/Getty Images)

British broadcaster and photographer Helena Chard told Fox News Digital that some fashion rules for women have relaxed over the years.

Diana, Princess of Wales, is seen here attending a meeting with the wife of the Angolan president.  (Tim Graham Photo Library via Getty Images)

“Contrary to popular belief, it is no longer mandatory royal protocol for women to wear tights,” she said. 

Catherine, Princess of Wales, meets members of the public during a walkabout on Oct. 6, 2022, in Carrickfergus, Northern Ireland. (Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images)

“The late Queen Elizabeth II preferred women in nude tights, believing it gave a polished look. These days, it’s a personal choice. Princess Diana often avoided tights, using tanning oil instead. Since the queen’s passing, we’ve seen Princess Kate embrace more power trouser suits — something Elizabeth wasn’t keen on during her reign.”

But one fashion rule remains in place, Chard said.

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Kate Middleton arrives to join a workshop run by the National Portrait Gallery’s Hospital Programme at Evelina Children’s Hospital on Jan. 28, 2020, in London, England. (Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images)

“Princess Kate endured several fashion mishaps, including skirts flying up in true Marilyn Monroe style,” Chard said. “Queen Elizabeth introduced her to a secret weapon — curtain weights sewn into the hems of her outfits. They kept clothes hanging properly, and she hasn’t suffered any more embarrassing Marilyn moments.”

“While wearing lipstick, royals must always sip from the same spot on a glass to avoid smudges,” said British royals expert Hilary Fordwich. “Handbags are carried on the left, following the queen’s tradition.”

Queen Elizabeth II puts on lipstick in the royal box at the Windsor Horse Show on May 11, 1985.  (David Levenson/Getty Images)

Royal expert Ian Pelham Turner told Fox News Digital there was a good reason for the late queen’s handbag habit: she used it to give secret signals during public outings.

Queen Elizabeth II attends the launch of the Queen’s Baton Relay for Birmingham 2022, the XXII Commonwealth Games, at Buckingham Palace on Oct. 7, 2021, in London, England. (Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images)

“Moving it from one hand to the other signaled she was bored and ready to move on,” he said.

It’s not just the women who follow fashion rules.

“Boys in the royal family still wear shorts exclusively,” said royal commentator Amanda Matta. “They don’t wear long trousers until about age 8, a tradition tied to class and fashion history.”

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Kate Middleton and Prince George attend the Gigaset Charity Polo Match at the Beaufort Polo Club on June 14, 2015, in Tetbury, England.  (Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images)

Fordwich said her favorite “royal rule” involves using specific words to remain prim and proper.

King Charles and Queen Camilla create a perfume as they visit the Fragonard laboratory plant in Eze, near Nice, southern France, on May 7, 2018.  (Boris Horvat/Pool/AFP via Getty Images)

“There is vocabulary etiquette,” Fordwich said. “Royals never say ‘toilet’ — it’s ‘lavatory’ or ‘loo.’ Never ‘perfume’ — it’s ‘scent.’ And never ‘dessert,’ but always ‘pudding.’”

Some royal experts admitted that certain rules could use a modern update.

King Charles III (center left) delivers a speech at a state banquet for President Donald Trump on Sept. 17, 2025, in Windsor, England. (Andrew Caballero-Reynolds – Pool/Getty Images)

“One tradition I think is ready for change is the royal family being ‘weighed in’ before and after Christmas dinner,” Matta said. “It reportedly originated with King Edward VII, who wanted to ensure family members were enjoying the holidays.”

Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip put the final touches to their Christmas tree in an undated photo at Windsor Castle.  (Getty Images)

Chard added that guests were once expected to gain three to five pounds over the holidays to show they were enjoying their meals.

One dish you won’t see on the royal menu is shellfish.

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Queen Elizabeth II watches the race as she attends the Dubai Duty Free Race Day at Newbury Racecourse on April 19, 2013, in Newbury, England. According to British broadcaster and photographer Helena Chard, shellfish isn’t a part of any royal menu during a special event. (Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images)

“It’s off the menu,” Chard said. “Shellfish poisoning can wipe you out for days — not much fun when you have a grueling schedule.”

Darren McGrady, a royal chef for 15 years who also cooked for five U.S. presidents, previously told Fox News Digital that guests can expect plenty of etiquette rules during a state banquet.

Queen Camilla and King Charles cheer with glasses of champagne at the Big Jubilee Lunch on June 5, 2022, in London, England. (Chris Jackson/Getty Images)

“You wouldn’t take a banana off the tray and peel it like a monkey,” McGrady said. “You slice it into rings and eat it with a fork. With pears, you cut off the top and use a teaspoon.”

France’s President Emmanuel Macron (left) smiles as King Charles III delivers a speech during a state banquet at Windsor Castle on July 8, 2025. (Yui Mok/Pool/AFP via Getty Images)

“Grapes are the easiest option because they’re served in small bunches. Pineapples may look whole on the table, but they’ve already been sliced — lift the top, and you’ll find rings with the centers removed. And if things get messy, finger bowls with warm water are provided to clean your hands.”

The table setting for a state banquet at St. George’s Hall on Sept. 17, 2025, in Windsor, England. (Aaron Chown – WPA Pool/Getty Images)

“I remember one state banquet where guests thought it was tradition to drink from the finger bowl,” McGrady said. “Nobody corrected them — at a state banquet, you just get on with it.”

Royal expert Richard Fitzwilliams told Fox News Digital that while the royals cherish tradition, they have relaxed on one strict rule.

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Queen Elizabeth II and the former Prince Charles during the state opening of Parliament at the Palace of Westminster on Oct. 14, 2019, in London, England.  (Paul Edwards – WPA Pool/Getty Images)

“Touching Queen Elizabeth was once a sensitive protocol issue,” Fitzwilliams explained. “Paul Keating, then the Australian prime minister, infamously put his arm around the queen in 1992, sparking fierce criticism and earning him the nickname ‘The Lizard of Oz.’ But when Michelle Obama put her arm around the queen’s shoulder in 2009 — and the queen reciprocated — they got on famously.”

Today’s royals continue to shed some of the old stiffness — a trend likely to grow, Fitzwilliams said.

Prince William poses for selfies following a visit to a community center and youth hub in the Southwark borough of London on April 24, 2025. (Aaron Chown/ Pool/AFP via Getty Images)

“The king, as many have noticed, can be quite touchy-feely,” Fitzwilliams said. “Royal habits on selfies have also eased — they’re still discouraged, but exceptions are sometimes made.”